i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
