The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
