No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
How does it feel to date your dad?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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