I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
