dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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