I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
