Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
