i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
