when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
