So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
