I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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