she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
