Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
