Banned from zoo.
Again?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
