I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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