I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
