this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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