So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
