I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
