Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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