I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
