dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
