Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
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I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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