she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
