I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
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Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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