fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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