I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
