WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
