Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
