She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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