i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
