oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
