She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
