hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
