What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
