I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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