I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
