At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
