My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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