life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
