Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i am craving dick and cupcakes
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
