dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Randomize
