I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
