i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
