This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
