don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
