I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
