if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
