hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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