I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
