I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
