oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
