Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
