I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
