he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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