Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
