Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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