we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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