It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
