Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
