whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
