Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
