Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
